Cyberbullying: The Signs, Talking to Your Child and the Steps Parents Can Take

Traditional bullying ended at the school gate. Cyberbullying does not: it follows a child home with their phone, into the bedroom, late into the night. An embarrassing photo or message, once shared, can reach hundreds of people in seconds. And children often hide what they are going through from their families.

In this guide we look at the forms cyberbullying takes, the signs that your child may be targeted, how to talk to them and the concrete steps you can take.

What is cyberbullying?

Cyberbullying is behaviour that uses digital tools to repeatedly hurt, humiliate, frighten or exclude someone. It can take these forms:

• Insults and threats: Humiliating and frightening language in messages, comments or voice chat.
• Exclusion: Deliberately removing a child from group chats or gaming teams.
• Sharing embarrassing content: Spreading photos and videos taken without permission, mocking memes.
• Fake accounts and impersonation: Opening a fake account in a child's name and posting things that make them look bad.
• Gossip and rumours: Spreading lies in group chats or from anonymous accounts.
• Harassment: Sending constant, unwanted messages.

What sets cyberbullying apart from traditional bullying: it never stops (24/7), it has a wide audience, it can be anonymous and it can be permanent. Content that has gone online may never be completely deleted.

Signs that your child is being cyberbullied

Children often stay silent out of shame, fear of making things worse, worry that their phone will be taken away, or fear of being seen as a "snitch". That is why it is important to notice changes in behaviour:

• Looking sad, angry or anxious after using their phone or computer
• Flinching when a notification arrives, or switching the phone off at once
• Suddenly not wanting to use their phone, or the opposite, being unable to put it down
• Not wanting to go to school; unexplained complaints such as stomach aches or headaches
• Withdrawing from friends and social activities
• Changes in sleep and appetite
• A sudden drop in grades
• Closing their social media accounts or opening new ones
• Statements that show they feel worthless

How to talk to your child

Set the scene

Talk at a calm moment, without the feel of an interrogation. Conversations in the car, on a walk or while doing something together go much more easily than sitting face to face and saying "We need to talk."

Start indirectly

General questions such as "Do you see people being mean to each other at school or online?" are easier to answer than a direct "Are you being bullied?"

Listen without judging

When your child starts to talk:

• Do not interrupt, and do not rush to offer solutions.
• Do not say "Why didn't you tell me before?"
• Avoid accusing statements such as "You must have done something to them too."
• Do not say "Just ignore it, it'll pass"; your child will feel they are not being taken seriously.

Reassure them

Tell them clearly:

• "Thank you for telling me; that was very brave."
• "This is not your fault."
• "We'll sort this out together."
• "I'm not going to take your phone away."

The last sentence is very important. One of the biggest reasons children do not tell their families is the fear that their phone and internet access will be taken away.

The steps to take

1. Don't respond or retaliate

Teach your child not to hit back at the bully. Retaliating usually escalates the situation and can sometimes put your child in the wrong too.

2. Save the evidence

Take screenshots before deleting any messages. Make sure the screenshot shows:

• The content of the message
• The sending account's name and username
• The date and time
• The link (address) of the post

This evidence is very valuable when you go to the school, the platform or, if necessary, the authorities.

3. Block and report

• Block the accounts doing the bullying.
• All major platforms (Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat, WhatsApp, games) have a report feature. Report both the content and the account.
• If a fake account has been opened, use the platform's impersonation report option.

4. Contact the school

If the bullies are classmates, meet the school leadership and the pastoral or counselling team. Share the evidence and ask about the school's anti-bullying policy. Action by the school is often the fastest way to solve the problem.

5. Report serious cases officially

The following may be crimes and may need an official report:

• Threats to kill or injure
• Sharing, or threatening to share, sexual images
• Blackmail
• Persistent stalking and harassment

In these cases, go to the police with the evidence. In the US, posts involving sexual images of children can also be reported to the NCMEC CyberTipline; in the UK, to CEOP. If sexual blackmail is involved, follow the steps in our sextortion guide.

6. Provide emotional support

Cyberbullying can deeply affect a child's self-esteem and mental health. Keep a close eye on them for a while, even after the situation is resolved. If symptoms continue, do not hesitate to seek support from the school counsellor or a child psychologist.

If you find out your child is the one bullying

This is hard news for parents to hear, but it deserves to be taken just as seriously:

• Listen without getting defensive and look at the evidence.
• Talk with your child about the effect the behaviour had on the other person; help them build empathy.
• Try to understand what lies behind the behaviour (peer pressure, being bullied themselves, anger).
• Set clear consequences and work together with the school.
• Get professional support if needed.

Prevention: before cyberbullying happens

• Talk early: Talk about cyberbullying before your child gets their first phone or social media account.
• Set privacy settings together: Private accounts and restricted comments and messages reduce the risk of bullying.
• Teach digital empathy: "Don't write online what you wouldn't say to someone's face."
• Teach them not to be a bystander: Children who witness bullying and do not share it, do not like it and, if possible, tell an adult stop it from spreading.
• Lead by example: How adults behave on social media is the strongest example for children.

In Koriva, scam numbers reported by families are blocked, and on Android, suspicious links in messages sent to the child are also reported to the family. Still, no app can understand the tone or context of a bullying message, or how your child feels, as well as you can. The real answer to cyberbullying is not technology but a safe relationship in which your child can tell you what is happening.

Conclusion

Cyberbullying is serious, but it is not a problem you are powerless against. Noticing the signs early, listening to your child without blaming them, saving the evidence and working with the school and the platforms solve most cases. Most important of all is that your child knows they are not alone and can always come to you.

For other risks children may meet online, see also our articles on online gaming safety and online grooming.